You Are Doing Enough: A book for parents of neurodivergent children
You Are Doing Enough: A book for parents of neurodivergent children
Parenting neurodivergent children in a broken system
You would think being a Clinical Psychologist would have helped when my children started to struggle. In reality, the shock and grief of the diagnostic process hit me just as hard as it hits the families I support.
This book is my attempt to make sense made ink. I put words and psychology around the confusion and frustration of the experience of the diagnostic process and the challenges of navigating broken health and education systems.
If you have ever cried alone in your car or on the bus from the sheer exhaustion and loneliness of feeling your children are on the outside of everything I hope this book will leave you feeling less alone, more certain that you not to blame and more able to fight for what you and your children deserve.
Pre-order today and get the free You Are Doing Enough Toolkit
- More details
Pre-order today and get the free You Are Doing Enough Toolkit
- More details
This book is for you if…
You feel like you are constantly firefighting. Life has become about survival and admin.
Your child’s behaviour doesn’t match the parenting advice you were given, and you are starting to suspect the advice may be the problem.
You have been told to “just get them into school” or “try a reward chart”, while everything in your body screams that will harm your child.
You are exhausted from filling in forms, repeating your story and trying to sound “reasonable” in meetings.
You swing between fierce pride and a shame‑soaked conviction that you are somehow failing your kids.
You need someone who has lived this, and also understands the psychology behind it, to say: it isn’t your fault, and you are not alone.
What will this book help you with?
School refusal, EHCPs, burnout and more
When my oldest children began refusing to go to school, I was plunged into what I now call my Darkest Days. I had to give up my NHS post as a Clinical Psychologist, learn a new language of acronyms and policies overnight, and become the family comms director and Battleaxe my children needed me to be.
In You Are Doing Enough, I tell the truth about that time: the gaslighting, the sleep deprivation, the meetings where my professional vocabulary and my maternal terror crashed into each other. I write as Rosie, the mother in the trenches and I let my professional alter ego, Dr Rosie, come in with the psychological knowledge that can make this landscape a little less bewildering.
You Are Doing Enough is part memoir, part self‑help manual. I walk you through diagnosis, school refusal, EHCPs, sibling dynamics, marriage strain and identity loss, and then I offer tools drawn from clinical psychology, especially acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) that you can actually use in a life that already feels full.
Through it all, I come back to one central message: you are not the problem here, the system is.
A glimpse inside:
Rather than pretending there is a neat five‑step plan, the book follows the seasons I moved through as a SEND parent from the confusion and grief of diagnosis through to the exhaustion and hope of advocacy as we rebuilt our lives as a proudly neurodivergent family.
Gaslit
The slow realisation that something is different about your child, the forms you can’t tick, the professionals who reassure you while your gut screams you need more support.
I share how I went from “good girl” who did what the health visitor told me, to the moment the floodlights snapped on and I saw what was really happening.
Darkest days
This is the season of school refusal, endless assessments, and nights spent shaking in the car after yet another meeting.
I talk honestly about rage, envy, grief and the ways shame makes us blame ourselves instead of the structures harming our children.
I bring in the psychology of gaslighting, trauma and parental burnout to help you through the most challenging season with self-respect, and hopefully a healthy dose of compassion.
Radical flexibility
When traditional parenting approaches fail it’s time to try something more radical.
In our Spring, I discovered low demand parenting and started to slowly rewire my expectations of family life.
I share practical tools from ACT to help you hold your values in mind while you find a “new normal” for your family and learn what it takes to allow you all to thrive, even when you are running on fumes.
Building a life in a broken system
This is where we look at what it means to build joy, meaning and connection in a world that can feel hostile to our families.
I talk about community, friendship, work, marriage and identity when “normal” is gone and how to stop waiting for the system to fix itself before you are allowed to live.
Each chapter begins with the messy, unfiltered reality of my life and ends with a psychologically informed unpacking of what is going on, plus small, doable actions you can take if you recognise yourself in the story.
EBSA, Burnout, Neurodivergence and Anxiety are not your fault.
EBSA, Burnout, Neurodivergence and Anxiety are not your fault.
By the end of the book, my hope is that you will:
Understand why you feel so exhausted and ashamed and why that says much more about our broken society than it does about you or your kids.
Have language to describe what is happening to your child and your family so you can unleash your inner Battleaxe when needed in meetings with confidence.
Feel more confident challenging professionals, pushing back on unhelpful narratives and saying no when something is wrong.
Have a handful of simple, evidence‑based practices to steady your nervous system and protect your relationships in the middle of the chaos.
Be clearer about your own values, so you can make decisions that serve your actual child and family, not someone else’s idea of success.
You won’t find Super Nanny‑style techniques or a fantasy of “fixing” your child here. You will find space, compassion and a way of thinking that puts the problem where it belongs: in the systems, not in your child or your parenting.
Who is Dr Rosie Gilderthorp?
I’m Dr Rosie Gilderthorp, a Clinical Psychologist and mother of three neurodivergent children. Before I became a parent, I worked in Learning Disability services, carrying out assessments and supporting families whose experiences I thought I understood.
Then my own children started to struggle.
When my oldest two began refusing school, when every day became a battle with attendance and behaviour charts, my professional knowledge did not protect me from the heartbreak and confusion. Overnight, I went from “good girl” working Mum doing the honurable juggle of work and parenting to a “difficult mother” failing to maintain any recogisable career and spending most of my time writing strongly worded emails.
Since then, I’ve built a private practice supporting parents through adversity, delivered training to organisations, and helped other psychologists and therapists reconfigure their careers when life doesn’t fit the system.
I also write regularly about parenting, neurodiversity and mental health on Substack, where a rapidly growing community of parents and professionals gather to support each other.
Pre-order You Are Doing Enough
Publishing a book is a dream come true for me, and I’d love you to be part of the book’s journey.
Pre-orders really help first-time authors like me as they tell publishers people want our book so they will put it on more shelves across the country.
If you feel the voices of SEND parents need a bit more attention, pre-ordering would be a great way of helping!
Oh and remember…you are doing enough.
Pre-order today, start tonight
Every pre-order unlocks the free You Are Doing Enough Toolkit:
Scripts for the hardest conversations we face as parents of ND children
A ten-minute audio to help you rest
Written permission to stop and look after yourself
Just click on the button below , add your order number to the form, and get access immediately.